we can never go back

August 28th, 2019

It's eight o'clock and Skye is walking home. She didn't really live in the barracks anymore, her bed at home was more comfortable and it was easier to have panic attacks alone in her room when she couldn't sleep. So she stayed at home now. Plus she liked having actual home cooked meals and hanging out with her grandparents. She and her grandfather spent a lot of nights sitting out on the back patio, especially after her grandfather got a new record player. He would set it on the little table in the corner and put on a record that he had bought in the 70s and then tell her the story behind him getting the record, which usually involved him getting into some kind of trouble. She quickly realized hanging out with her grandfather and listening to old records and threatening to leave once Theighlur approached was much more fun than sitting in her room by herself. Especially after everything that happened between Lachlan, Delilah, and her.

She's halfway home and starting to enter the long winding residential roads, when she noticed someone was walking behind her. She glances around for a second, before realizing that its Lachlan. She doesn't want to say anything, especially not after their last words, which still replay in her mind. They had broken it off, and they had kept their word. At least for the past three weeks. She feels bad in a way, because it was only a week ago that it was Lachlan's birthday. He had been there to celebrate with her, but she hadn't been there for him. She remembers staring out her window that night and seeing the light on in the guest house, but she knew she couldn't go over. She knew what would happen if she did. So, she went for a run instead, and avoided going anywhere near the Reid house.

It was later than Lachlan was usually making his way back to Augustus Avenue from camp. He was the kind of legionnaire who just did the things that he needed to do and then left. He wasn't into the whole extracurricular or leadership thing. Today, though, he'd been playing some pickup football with his group of guy friends and Marley, so he was making his way home as the sun set. He definitely could not justify sleeping at the barracks when he had his own place.

Lachlan had his headphones in and Greek Tragedy by the Wombats was blasting in his ears. He looked up from his phone and caught sight of a bit of red hair. His stomach instantly tied itself in knots. Lachlan hadn't seen Skye since they ended things between them. Since they weren't actually anything, though, he guessed that meant that they were apparently just ending interacting all together. Neither of the girls had come over for his birthday. Delilah had left a note and a little ceramic elephant outside the door but had run before he had gotten to the door. It was kind of funny, the elephant in the room and all. Lachlan genuinely considered turning onto the next street he could in the labyrinth of neighborhood streets when Skye turned around he was still looking up. He couldn't act like he hadn't seen her now. Lachlan waved, his lips tightening a bit. He was close enough that he could catch up with a tiny bit of effort but he didn't do that. He assumed that was a part of the new rules.

Skye gives a similar wave back and turns around. Is this how its going to be from now on? Casual waves? Looking out her window at night to see if he's still up? Going on a run every time she wanted to go over and knock on his door? Throwing herself into centurion duties because she barely has friends anymore? She and Delilah were on better terms now, and she had never really stopped being friends with Oliver. Rebecca and Hannah hadn't really talked to her in weeks, especially since she stepped back from the party scene. It was probably for the best though, it didn't take her long to realize all they wanted to do was get drunk or take party drugs. So, she was kind of floating around, keeping herself busy, trying not to think about the fact that she's definitely not as fun as she used to be.

Lachlan, oh Lachlan, she had to stay away from him. She knew that if she let him back into her life she'd fall into old habits. They were a cautionary tale. Don't give in to your urges, because then you can't stop. Still, he was fun to hang out with sometimes. Plus she felt really guilty, because she wasn't sure if he was talking with Delilah. Once again, she had left relatively unscathed. It was a pattern between the two of them.

So, this is a very long winded way of saying that she stopped. She let him catch up to her. "Happy belated birthday." Were the first words out of her mouth. Birthdays were easy to talk about, right? There was no way that could blow up in her face.

Lachlan's heart started racing when Skye stopped. He prayed that after she waved that she'd just start walking again. He had thought about what this would be like quite a few times over the last couple weeks. He assumed that they'd just be somewhere in a couple months and they'd just never talk about what happened again. They'd become casual acquaintances whose only connection was their childhood. He hadn't planned on it happening this soon. Lachlan's usual confidence was totally gone and his face was white. This was not going to be a good one for him, was it?

"Oh, uh, yeah, thanks. Oliver and I just chilled out. Nothing too interesting happened. No crazy 18th stuff and then we went out with the guys on Friday." Lachlan laughed awkwardly. He wasn't used to having talking to Skye be hard. Usually things were so black and white between them but their recent conflict had made it a lot more complex. He honestly hadn't been sure that this moment would ever happen.

"What have you been up to?" That was such a stupid question and it made Lachlan just want to walk away, but he couldn't. They lived next door to each other and it was clear that that was where they were both going. They were both doomed to this minor torture until they could escape into their own homes.

Skye nods, "that sounds fun," Though it was more of a polite thing. She's pretty sure he went out with the boys every Friday night, so it probably wasn't much of a change. Is it terrible that she kept looking to the window that night, waiting for a fling to walk out? Eventually she had to shut the curtains of her window just to keep herself from glancing out it. Then later when she was returning from her run she looked again. There was a moment when she was standing in her front yard and it would've been so easy to just walk over and knock on the door. Still she knew at the time she couldn't go back, she couldn't let it start again, and she wasn't sure if Lachlan was willing to let it start again.

"Oh, you know, centurion stuff." So this is how its going to be between them, awkward. Skye hates it. She wants to be able to laugh with him. Is being in a thing with him and being able to talk to him something that goes hand in hand? Or is this just because this is the first time they've talked since they were walked in on? Skye thinks she knows the answer, mainly because she doesn't want to be wrong. She wants to be friends with Lachlan. She really does.

"I bet that is nice." The son of Fama said. Why that? Because he's a disaster. Lachlan would rather watch the awful scene at the beginning of Return of the King where actual Andy Serkis Smeagol is turning into CG Andy Serkis Gollum then have to endure another minute of this conversation. Lachlan stuck his hands into the pockets of the Giants hoodie he had put over his tshirt and shorts, picking at his nails nervously in the pockets. He didn't usually feel awkward and jittery so this was quickly getting to him. This kind of fumbling was much more of an Oliver thing, after all. As if on cue, Lachlan's foot hit a crack and he stumbled forward a little bit. Lachlan rolled his eyes. He couldn't do this any longer.

"Well, this is an absolute train wreck isn't it." Lachlan mumbled. That felt like a good analogy. It was uncomfortable and he wanted so much not to watch, or in this case to walk away, but he couldn't. Not only because it would be illogical for him to, but because he wanted to fix this. He hated looking at Skye's house as he walked past wondering if she was home, but not being able to text her. He was over it.

Skye is about to make a comment about his comment, but then Lachlan stumbles and Skye gets distracted. She doesn't know why they're like this. Even before they started whatever it was they were doing, they could talk to each other like normal humans. She remembers when her grandparents would throw solstice dinners, and the six of them would sit at the end of the table together. Even if they were all estranged they could speak to each other. Here they could barely get out a normal sentence. She's afraid they're going to have to start talking about the weather.

Except then Lachlan addresses the elephant in the room, and its almost like Skye can breathe a little easier. There's still that tension, but she doesn't feel like she's going to be hit by a car at any moment. "Yeah, this is absolutely terrible." And she laughs, because its all just so stupid. "gods, everything sucks right now." Well, its true.

It was nice to hear Skye laugh in that moment.  Lachlan felt like he could finally exhale, like he'd been holding his breath since he saw Skye. Maybe even since that night a couple of weeks ago. Lachlan could feel some of the tension release in his shoulders. He knew that they were still walking on a cliff, that one wrong thing could send them right over the edge, but at least walking it felt a little bit easier now.

"Everything always sucks. Sometimes its just easier to ignore it." Lachlan mused. There was a certain cheeky tone to his voice when he said it. He didn't seriously believe that everything sucked. Beer was good, Oliver was cool. Late nights in the hot tub and driving his Jeep on dirt roads with the top down were always fun. He just meant, in general, the collective of human existence was just kinda shitty. 'It's like that vine. Y'know the one that's all Everyone dies. You either kill yourself, or get killed and then the dude starts dancing." Lahclan laughed. Vines were a good way to cut the tension, right? Everyone loved a good Vine. There were nights when Oliver and him would just watch Vine compilations for hours. There was no way that that wouldn't be at least a little bit funny to Skye.

Lachlan and Skye turn a corner to head deeper into the winding residential district, and Lachlan's shoulder bumped into Skye. He took a quick side step so that he was walking at the very edge of the sidewalk. The crack between the sidewalk and the grass felt like a cliff's edge, and one that could break and send him plunging down to the depths below. So, he walked carefully and steadily, physically and emotionally.

Skye laughs lightly at Lachlan's vine reference. Still it was kind of hard to ignore most of the stuff going on. She wishes she could ignore most of the things going on in her life, but they just had a way of reminding her. Like the fact Lachlan was standing next to her right now. She can't help but think back to her newest memory of Caroline. Though, most of the context was missing. Still, it was nice to know her and Caroline hadn't hated each other in the end. She's glad Lachlan is oblivious to it though. She's not sure how he'd react.

Skye can't help but notice that when Lachlan bumps her, he immediately tries to stand as far away from her on the sidewalk as possible. It reminds Skye of when she was little and would use the curb as a balance beam. "Are you going to fall again?" Skye asks, "Cause if you do I'm not going to catch you."

Lachlan takes one step, and then two, back towards the center of the sidewalk, standing as close as he could to Skye without bumping into her. It was like walking away from an actual ledge. Not that he could actually fall from the sidewalk, but it still let him decompress a little bit more.

Lachlan laughed and bumped Skye with his hip and looked down the inches between them. "If anyone's going to fall, it's going to be you." Every breath that he took was a little bit easier than the last. His steps were regaining their usual swagger and Lachlan thought that maybe they were getting out of the weeds, like this might actually end someday.

"It's my job to catch you, after all." Lachlan said. Then he thought about those words. Present tense. That probably wasn't in the new rules, whatever those rules were. Lachlan's breath caught again and he was the same awkward boy that he had been before. He felt uneasy again. "Or, uh, was." Lachlan mumbled, pushing a hand back through his dark hair, looking away from Skye and back down the road.

Skye smiles at Lachlan's antics. For once it doesn't feel awkward. Being friends doesn't seem like an impossible task. Sure, they had never really managed it before, but they could do it now, right? For so long they had been swerving between barely talking to being a little too close. Maybe they could find something in the middle. Maybe they could talk and hangout without fear of something blowing up. There are a lot of maybes.

Its my job to catch you, after all. Or uh, was.

Yeah, there are a lot of maybes. Is this is how its going to be? Easy riding until they hit the slightest bump? It sucks. It really sucks. It doesn't help that when she looks over at him all she wants to do is kiss him. That's messed up, right? She was the one to end it. She drew the line, and here she is, wanting to cross it again. It's messed up. She needs help.

"Yeah," Skye says, before pausing. Now it was back to awkward. It wasn't even her fault, it was Lachlan's. Then again she's the one that wants to kiss him so really, they were both screwing this up.

"God, we can't even do small talk anymore."

Lachlan didn't know what he was supposed to do any more. He tried joking and it failed. He tried being quiet and it failed. Was he supposed to just sit down on the ground until Skye gave up and walked away? It just felt like they were stuck in some terrible version of Groundhog's Day where no matter what they did it ended the same way.

"What do you want me to do? Ask about the weather? Ask what your favorite musical is? Your favorite vine? Your favorite John Mulaney bit?" Lachlan rattled off the things that he could think of that would qualify as small talk. In a way, it seemed weird that he didn't know all that much about who Skye was below the surface. He didn't know what she liked and didn't like in normal life. Lachlan looked down at her.

It would be a lie to say that he didn't want to touch her or put his arm around her or kiss her or something. It just seemed like there was so much space between them. They usually closed that space. Another part of him did want to know the answers to those stupid questions about her. Maybe that could close the space between them in a way.

He didn't like that word about them: maybe.

They turn onto Augustus Avenue, starting to pass the houses that weren't part of the cul de sac. She could see the Reid and Lockwood houses in the distance. It meant that their conversation will soon come to an end. Which means she doesn't have a lot of time to fix it.

Skye cringes when he mentions the weather, "Talking about the weather is the fastest way to end a conversation." and she gives him a look like he should know better. She could tease him, that's a good way to get things to a good place. At the same time though they could take the teasing too far and then they'd be in a screaming match, where others could see them no less. The last thing she needs is for her Gran to see them and start asking questions. So, she decides to indulge Lachlan's questions.

"My favorite musical is Spring Awakening, my favorite vine is the road work ahead vine, and obviously my favorite John Mulaney bit is any bit where he talks about his wife. Though they're shortly followed by the street smarts bit." She gives him a smile. See? They could do this. No maybes about it. They can be two level headed adults who can hold conversations without yelling at each other or making out. Though, she does really want to make out with him. She has issues and a little too much pent up energy.

As they turned on to the main part of Augustus Avenue, the last thing Lachlan had expected was for Skye to actually answer his questions. He more expected her to just take off running and to book it into her grandparent's home. Lachlan listened as she listed some simple favorites of hers. He would not have expected her to be a road work ahead kind of girl. Street smarts, though, made sense.

"Spring Awakening is great, but it's definitely no Rent. My favorite vines is a tie between the Zack stop one and Ninki Minjaj. The best John Mulaney bit is either the one about the guy who steals family photos at parties or the Bill Clinton one." Lachlan slipped his hands out of the pockets of his jacket and wiped his slightly sweaty palms on his shorts. That was almost a semi-functional conversation. How odd that the bar was so low.

They were approaching their houses and Lachlan knew that this was a major moment of truth. This might be the moment that determined their fates in the future. Lachlan assumed that he would watch her walk up the path to her house and close the door behind her. His heart twisted just a little bit. Would that be her closing the door on anything ever again? Even friends? He didn't like the way that that hurt in his chest. The son of Fama could count the number of times that he'd felt this feeling in his chest on one hand. So, he said what he thought would make it stop.

"I was planning on sitting with my feet in the pool for a bit. They're a bit sore from football. Would you like to join?" Lachlan swallowed and stopped when they reached the path up to her house.

"Okay none of that surprises me." Skye says, before laughing and quoting John Mulaney, "'It's the one thing they can't replace.' That is why I will never have a party at my house. That, and I don't need anybody in my room." Skye is very protective of her room. Its probably one of the few places that Lachlan will never be allowed. Just like she's never been in his actual room. Though she's not sure why these are even entering her head. They're not together, they're friends, nothing more.

They start to approach Skye's house and she can see her grandmother through the window playing the piano. Her grandfather is probably in his study. Then, there's a proposal. She could easily just go home, go up to her room, and then regret not going with Lachlan and then spend the rest of her day resisting staring out of her window. Or, she could do what she really wants to do. What the hell, she's going to do it.

"Yeah, sure." Skye says. See they can be friends. Then they walk to Lachlan's backyard, and she can see her grandmother noticing them out of the corner of her eye. Oh god, this is going to start something, she knows it. The last thing she needs is Gran thinking they're a thing when they just got done being a different thing. It's all very complicated.

It was pretty easy for Lachlan to ask Skye to join him, especially when it was at best a 50/50 chance in his brain that she'd agree. It was a lot harder when she actually agreed and was walking into his backyard with him. He looked at the little ceramic elephant that now joined the ceramic frog. He'd fished the frog out of the pool the morning after the fight and he had only sustained minor injuries. That elephant, his gift from Delilah, felt like a lot more than symbolism now.

Lachlan kicked off the shoes that he was wearing and tossed them into the clubhouse with his phone. He sat down on the edge of the pool and slipped his feet and ankles and shins in to the cool water. They always kept their pool a little cold because Lachlan liked the shock of it. Most mornings, the first thing he would do was go and swim laps in this pool. If it'd been a particularly particular kind of night, he'd go and sit in the hot tub.

Lachlan looked over at Skye. "Are you excited about Oliver's party?" Lachlan and Delilah had sent out the invitations almost a week before and a steady stream of RSVP's were coming in yes. It was definitely going to be a night that they'd never forget. It was also a night that Oliver was being very particular about, which was starting to drive Lachlan up the wall. Luckily, Delilah had the unbridled excitement to match Oliver's and had dedicated herself to Oliver duty until the party.

Skye smiles, "Yeah, it sounds like it will be fun. Plus it makes me happy he's so excited about it. Whenever he or Delilah bring it up they both get this giant grin on their face it's so cute. Besides, it'll be nice to have something that's close to a real prom. The ones the camp puts on kinda suck." Well, thats an understatement. They're mostly meant for the younger campers, and are kind of like a pg version of what happens over at the fortress on the fields of mars. She remembers when they tried a more formal event geared towards the older campers. Carter found out someone spiked the punch and poured it all out in the grass outside. Then they were out of punch. Plus she had to chaperone. So Oliver's party will easily be the highlight of the year.

"He was telling me the other day that he wanted slot machines. Are you actually going to do that?" She had laughed when Oliver first brought it up, before she realized he was being serious. As much as Skye loves him, she's very glad she isn't on the planning committee.

Lachlan laughed thinking about that "prom." Caroline had made him go with her because she had been a part of the Party Committee that put it on. It was kind of an awful party, especially after the spiked punch was dumped out, but they'd still managed to have a good time. Lachlan kind of missed the group of people that him and Caroline had hung out with, but when Caroline left they all drifted apart. Caroline had a way of pulling all of them together. She was like a magnet. Skye was that, too.

Lachlan looked down at Skye. Even now, her skin was electrically charged, pulling him towards her. He knew that he couldn't let it pull him though, so he gripped on to the edge of the pool tighter.

"I think we're trying to make it work. He's just a good dude. I want him to have a good night. Life's been rough for him lately. He deserves to just have the night that he wants." Lachlan had been able to physically notice the difference in Oliver over the months, and he was guessing that maybe Skye and Delilah were starting to be able to as well. Lachlan pushed that out of the back of his head when he got an idea.

"That reminds me of something I need to look up. Can I borrow your phone? I left mine inside." Lachlan put his hand out.

Lachlan really hoped that Oliver's party was good. He was such a good guy and really important to Lachlan and he didn't want to let him down. Oliver had tried so hard to do a big thing for his birthday, but Lachlan pushed back. He convinced Oliver that he wanted something chill, and he was really glad that he had. It would have been a bad time for a party after The Fight:tm:. It was good it could be just him and Oliver. Of course, they had gone out Friday and that had been more the expected speed. He had to wonder if some people had even thought about it being his birthday.

Lachlan felt the weight of Skye's phone in his hand and he almost felt bad for what he was about to do. It was the fastest way to put out the fire he felt starting to rage between them. Lachlan tossed the phone so it landed on the grass away from the pool and placed both of his hands on Skye's side and pushed her into the pool.

Lachlan, for a moment, could feel like they were kids playing in this pool. Then, he looked at Skye and remembered that they weren't anymore. The way they were had pushed them way too far past that. He was okay with that, though, when he looked at her.

When Skye surfaced, Lachlan knew that he was in for hell. He couldn't take her seriously when she was pretending to be angry. She was just so small and adorable. Her hair was soaking wet and there was a bit of black around her eyes from the mascara she was wearing. So instead, he laughed. A deep laugh from his core that honestly felt very good. It was cracking the awkward that was still radiating in the air around them.

Why Lachlan didn't see it coming, he didn't know, but suddenly Skye's hand was getting close to him and wrapped around his arm. He tried to struggle to stay on the ground, but he was laughing too hard to try as hard as could. Skye pulled him into the water and he went under. For a second, he panicked about his phone but then remembered that was what started this. The water was cold, but it felt good. It sent a shock up his spine that brought him back to reality. He was here with Skye and they were having fun and he was lucky. Lachlan's head broke the surface and he was already laughing. He shook out his hair like a wet dog, splashing Skye.

Lachlan was close to Skye and that was when he remembered how good of a conductor water was.

Lachlan knows that he should back away. He knows that he should make a joke. He knows that he should challenge her to a race like when they were kids and swim away before things can change. Instead, Skye is holding his eyes. He doesn't even blink. Their eyes are totally locked on each other's. A voice was screaming in his head. He couldn't tell whose it was but it was yelling. Lachlan Aramais Reid, don't do this. Take your chance to leave. He doesn't though. Skye's arms around his neck. Lachlan panicked. He knew that this was wrong, so after a few confused flails with his hands, they landed on her back and their lips connect.

Everything about Lachlan and Skye was always rough and fast. This wasn't, though. It was slow and it was soft. That made Lachlan nervous. It was easy to get lost in fast and passionate. Right now, he felt everything. The skin of her arms meeting the skin of his neck. The bones of her back under her shirt. Her lips on his. Lachlan pulled back and took a sharp breath in.

"19 days? That's what we have in us?" Lachlan joked. This felt different, though. Lachlan's mind wasn't in the loft of his clubhouse. It was right here, taking in Skye's eyes.