tell me if you feel it too

August 14th, 2019

Skye Maddox stands on the front doorstep of the Lockwood house, and all she can think about is the fact that she's never been inside. Sure, she's seen glimpses of the foyer from when she was little and standing in this exact spot trying to ask if Delilah wanted to play. She's never been inside though. She has to wonder what kind of secrets the giant house contained. Does it have a little prayer room? Is that a thing that Catholics have? She doesn't really understand christian things. Like she knows about Christmas and church and stuff, but when it came to the details she didn't really know what went on.

Still, she was here for a reason. It's been almost a week since Delilah walked in on her and Lachlan, and since then the only person Skye has really talked to is Oliver. She didn't even show up to group therapy, which meant that more time was devoted to Skye and Oliver. That was not a good thing. That isn't the point though. The point is that Delilah remembered what happened on that night over a year ago. The night where they kissed and Skye was too afraid to talk about it the next morning. That night.

Then, they admitted they had feelings for each other. Well, that was between a lot of yelling and crying and broken glass and Lachlan threw a key down a garbage disposal, so they never actually had time to talk about it. That's why she is standing on Delilah's doorstep. Skye knows that if they don't talk about this, it will spiral out of control again. Besides, she missed Delilah. She missed being able to have someone to talk to. She missed having someone to roll her eyes with when Theighlur knocked on the door. Her Gran kept asking about Delilah too, and Skye didn't have the heart to tell her they weren't talking. So, here she is. Pressing a doorbell and taking a deep breath.

Delilah was sitting in her father's study just staring out the window into her own backyard. She didn't want to actually be outside today so she opted for the next best thing, which was just sitting in the little window seat staring out at the beautiful gardens their gardener kept up for them. Even though it was beautiful and nice, it still didn't compare to the garden that Nancy and Skye would put together. Maybe it was just the amount of family love that went into it that made it truly special.

In her hands she held a cup of hot chocolate, it was the middle of summer, but some things just tasted good and needed to be appreciated all year round, hot chocolate just happened to be one of those things. Besides that the AC was on and hot chocolate felt natural, it was a comforting thing. Delilah thought about spending more time at her sister's house, but she ended up just spending way more time at her own house, locked in not allowing anyone in. Maybe there was a method to her father's madness with not having people into the little safe haven that was the Lockwood house.

It wasn't long before she had heard the doorbell go off playing a light little sound throughout the whole house. Delilah didn't want to answer the door, but it could be anything at this point. Delilah walked out into the hall and then into the foyer where she'd go down the steps to get to the doors. The daughter of Epione was hesitant, but she unlocked the door and opened it and on the other side was Skye Maddox. "Hi." She says not knowing what to say, they last were seen in an einvornment of yelling and broken hearts and broken glass. Delilah could feel the heavy weight sink again. Seeing her hurt in a way she couldn't describe, she wanted it to not hurt, she wanted it to feel like it used to, before all the mess.

Skye smiles when Delilah opens the door, but she can tell that Delilah is far from happy to see her. Still, she has to do this, she can't just leave it as it is. The way it is now is awkward and uncomfortable, like sitting in the heat for too long. So, she speaks up, "Hi, I'm here because I think we should talk," Skye pauses for a moment, finding the words to be much harder to say than she anticipated, "about what happened between us." That's a good way to put it. It seems less complicated than it is. Like they didn't make out a year ago, not speak of it, and then finally blurt out the fact that they had feelings for each other in the middle of an even larger fight.

Watching Skye in front of her she could feel her brain trying to calculate Skye's next moves. When she started off being saying they needed to talk, part of Delilah wanted to grin at the fact that she was still the same old bossy Skye she knew when they were kids. Sometimes it always felt as if Skye wasn't as bossy with Delilah, but that could have had to do with the fact that the daughter of Epione was already fairly flexible in doing what other people needed her to do.

The sinking feeling was still in her chest, but now her stomach was twisting in knots. She wanted to talk about what happened the other day, what happened more than a year ago. Even the thought of her brought up so many feelings, in some aspects she could feel the same nervousness and butterflies as that night, she could imagine the way Skye looked the next morning with the sunshine on her usually brown hair, but the sun just had a way of pulling out the slightest red tint. These emotions conflicted with the last time she had seen Skye. On top of their best friend with their shirts off. It was a scene that broke Delilah's heart, it shattered the rose coloured glasses she wore whenever she looked at Skye.

"We can talk." The legacy of Cupid said as she shifted a bit opening the door more, "Did you want to come in?" She asked her not really offering a whole lot more to the conversation. "We can talk in the study or the TV room or something."

Skye nods at the invitation inside, and she steps into the foyer. The first thing she notices is how quiet it is, and she wants to ask if Delilah was always alone now. Skye's footsteps echo in the large entryway, and she turns to Delilah, "Anywhere is fine." Skye says, more antsy than anything. She kind of just wants to get it over with. She's a rip the band aid off kind of person. Its easier that way. Easy and simple. She realizes this is starting to become her motto, and it probably shouldn't be.

"My gran says hi," Skye says, trying to get some small talk put in there, "she really misses you."

As Skye walked into the building she shut the door behind Skye. She didn't have much preference, and right there Delilah knew what this mean. There would be no way she didn't she grew up with Skye how long? Delilah knew Skye didn't like to just float around things and she just wanted to say what need to be said, but then there was everything else that happened and things had got left unsaid.

She could feel the pit in her stomach, she really didn't want to have this conversation, it was clear how it was going to go, right? Delilah didn't really move out of the foyer, she wasn't even sure if it were the best idea to move farther into the home. She was getting the feeling of wanting to just not let people in anymore.

The daughter of Epione gave a small smile when Skye said Nancy had said hi. "Tell her I say hi when you see her." Delilah spoke softly and just turned around to face Skye properly. "We can just stay here and talk." Delilah said and she took a deep breath in, she didn't want to wait any longer for the conversation to start so she was just going to start it herself. "I'm sorry about the other day. It wasn't fair of me...I'm still upset and I still have anger, but I shouldn't have directed it that much, you guys didn't do anything wrong, it just hurt a lot to see. I already feel broken most days." Delilah said with a bit of a sad look growing on her face. How could she not feel broken with everything happening right now? It still didn't mean anyone deserved to be yelled at or in the middle of a yelling match. There would still be a low burning anger in her, but that was something she'd have to eventually make peace with.

"I will," Skye says, "she'll be really happy"

Skye's about to speak when Delilah beats her to it, but she listens and she feels a pang in her heart. This whole argument and the fallout from it is driving her crazy. It's stupid how this is what broke them all. Still, it makes perfect sense. They all internalized this stuff, and then suddenly they have to let it out. Still, Skye had her grandparents, she had people to talk to. Delilah had an empty house.

"and I'm sorry for not telling you about that night," She might as well get straight to the point, "I think we should talk about that, because, Delilah I like you. I liked you then, and I like you now. I want you to know that. That night wasn't a joke or a fling or anything like that. I meant it." There's a but coming though, except she wants to see how Delilah reacts to that. She wants to know if Delilah felt the same way. She's not sure what kind of answer she's hoping for though. She'd have to wait and see how she felt afterwards.

Delilah had said the things that she wanted to say, but there was more that she hadn't even touched in their conversation. It was a weird way for Delilah to stall because she didn't want to dive into the conversation that she knew would come up, the kiss. The kiss that Delilah had cherished and the memory of that night she just wanted to preserve, she didn't want to have any negative thoughts tied to it.

Then she did it, she went head first diving in before even testing the water."Delilah I like you. I liked you then, and I like you now. I want you to know that. That night wasn't a joke or a fling or anything like that. I meant it." were the only words that kept circling in her head over and over again and she felt stunned, not knowing what to say next. "I." Delilah's facial features softened a little bit, part of her was scared to open up about her feelings.

"It took me awhile to remember what happened, but I didn't say anything because you were leaving so soon and it just seemed like poor timing to start something..." She trailed off a bit and then directed her eye contact away for a minute. "I liked you too Skye. I liked you then, I like you now, but I don't even know what to do anymore." She said, she had so many conflicting feelings. "I'm alone most of the time, I don't have much, I have night terrors all the time, I'm so broken." Delilah said her voice wavering a little bit.

Her eyes looked back up at Skye with a bit of pain in her eyes. "I feel bad, but I just don't feel soothed or comforted around you in that way anymore. After the other night it just broke me in ways I don't think I can come back from. I don't think we could ever happen, there would be too much resentment and it'll just be toxic and not end well, and you don't deserve that."

Skye is caught off guard by Delilah's words. It started a war in her heart a little bit. Skye still likes Delilah, she does She still has that crush that gives her butterflies and keeps her up at night. She also knows she's here to say something similar. That they missed their moment. That everything between them had become so complicated it's hard to imagine them being together. Still, the fact that Delilah is so quick to shut it down hurts a little bit. Delilah shut the door. Maybe Skye was more inclined to leaving the door open a crack.

"Oh," Skye says, "I had this whole spiel planned but you kind of got it. That's all I really had to say. But you're not broken. You might be a little bruised, but beneath it all you're still you. Take it from someone who's been through a similar thing, I think." It was all conjecture at this point, but something happened to her that left her changed, and when it came to the root of it, the same happened to Delilah. They weren't broken, just different.

Skye doesn't have much else to say, and standing in the same vicinity of Delilah is starting to get difficult for some reason. All she really wanted to do was go home and watch terrible romcoms until she could forget that anything happened.

"I should go, but you don't have to be alone, you know. My door is always open. I'm pretty sure you guys still have a key. We can hang out, like we used to, like friends." Skye nods, before retreating back to the door.

Even telling Skye no, she felt the weight pulling her down, her heart felt like it was slowly sinking farther and farther into her body. She wanted the ground to open up and just hide her. Delilah hated the fact that she could have made Skye upset, she was the last person she wanted to upset. There were emotions sitting there in her very core for Skye, but Delilah didn't want to be hurt anymore than she was going to be. They both had just gone through something that neither of them could fix for the other and they both probably had their own reservations about it. Then there was the whole mess that was Skye and Lachlan it would seem, Delilah didn't want to get involved with all that and obviously the two of them had something, right?

It took a lot for Delilah to want to continue this conversation and to still have it. That was when Skye announced she should go and made her way for the door. Delilah could feel her heart swell for a moment, she didn't want Skye to just leave like that, but she didn't want to force her to stay either. What happened next was purely out of high emotions welling up inside of her, she kept them in so long she didn't want to keep them in any longer.

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she reached out for Skye's hand. "Your funeral was one of the hardest days of my life." She said trying to fight the tears, "I had so many regrets about things I didn't get to say or do. I regret not telling you how I felt, Skye. I regret not kissing you sooner and more often. I wanted things to work out, but I don't want us to hurt each other anymore." At this point the tears were rolling down her face.

Skye had already been on the verge of tears as she started to walk to the door. Why are feelings like this? Sometimes she wishes she could cut them all off. Except at the same time she knows what will be left if she does. Then Delilah is speaking again, and suddenly Skye gives up trying to fight back the tears. She never wants Delilah to feel this way. If she could she would take all that pain from Delilah, because she never deserved it. Skye maybe does, in a way.

Skye looks at the hand Delilah is holding out, and she wants to reach out and squeeze it, but she knows that won't be enough. So, she pulls her into a hug. Hugs were easier now, Skye could push down that panic in her chest, and force herself to stay calm. It's worth it. Delilah will always be worth it.

"I know," She whispers, "I know. We missed our window. But thats okay. I'm still here. I'm alive."

She wasn't sure how Skye was going to react at first, it was a plea, a call out if you will to try and get her to come back, and she realized it was a partial excuse.The words however were still true, and Delilah meant every one of them. She remembered that day standing in front of the stupid empty casket meant for Skye, she remembered standing there trying to figure out what to say because word were difficult but admitting emotions were even harder. The feelings she had for Skye had been astronomical and the fact on that day she had missed her chance to say it then she lived with the regret.

The regret didn't help her learn though because when Skye came back she found it impossible to tell Skye about her feelings and then it just blew up in her face. It was a matter of seconds, but Skye had come in for a hug and wrapped her arms around her. The daughter of Epione didn't know it but she felt the weight lift off when she met the embrace of her childhood friend. The tears just started to pour down from her face as she arms stayed locked on Skye. It meant the world to her knowing Skye was hugging her despite all the feelings that came with it.

"Please don't leave again." She said when she could get out the breaths, "I can't go through it again. You can't go through it again. You're too good to suffer Skye."

Skye just holds Delilah until the anxiety in her chest has subsided. Tears are streaming down her face now, and she doesn't mind it. She wishes that none of this had happened. If they could go back to that night in late may. Except would that fix things? Delilah would probably still find out about her and Lachlan eventually. Would she even find a way to admit her feelings, or would they be back to repressing it? Is this how they were always supposed to be? Is this what the gods had planned for them? Feeling things but nothing ever coming of it? It's kind of cruel.

At the same time though, maybe its for the best. Maybe its better than them getting together and then fracturing apart. Maybe its better that they can stay friends. That doesn't mean that she's not allowed to hurt.

"I won't leave you, I promise." Skye says, and somewhere in the back of her head she can feel a thread that she knows will lead to something, except she doesn't pull, she doesn't approach, she just lets it fade away. She's not going to let any memories ruin this moment. If it wants to bother her, it can come back later. "You never deserved any of this."

Feeling the embrace brought so many warm and comforting feelings to the girl, maybe she was wrong when she told Skye that she didn't comfort her, maybe part of her was just a defensive wall because she knew what was coming. Skye wasn't there to just sweep her up off her feet and start a relationship with her and they would have this wonderful relationship. It was too messy and they were too bruised, how would that ever work? It could, couldn't it? It was thoughts like these that Delilah tried to repress and hold down under the water waiting for them to stop bubbling and cease to be. They were dangerous thoughts and she knew she needed to try and move on from her.

Delilah wanted to stay there hugging Skye, she wanted to go back to the night they spent in Skye's room where they would just be talking and they'd just be laying there wrapped up in each other. She wanted to stay there, but as everything else did, time also moved on and little moments would always just turn into little memories passing by and never to be returned to.

"You didn't deserve it either." Delilah said speaking softly as her voice cracked a little bit. Her tears would keep welling up and spill over her face as she could feel the tightness of her chest restrict and expand with the releasing of emotions and her throat getting more swollen from the crying. "You didn't deserve to lost a year of time and not even remember it. You deserved so much better. You didn't deserve me yelling that day, I'm so sorry." Delilah brought her hands up to her face to wipe her tears away before she spoke again, "You didn't deserve hearing my defensive wall. I was wrong, I do feel comforted by you."

Skye feels it deep down, that little glimmer of hope returning. She knows its not the time, she knows that Delilah doesn't need it right now, she knows she doesn't either. Except its still there, a little bit of what if that almost feels like a betrayal. Its the same type of urge that kept her going to Lachlan's house night after night, even though she knew it was a bad idea. Its the urge that she feels late at night when she cannot sleep, when she wants to go to the Tiber and jump in and not come back up. Its not healthy, and it kind of scares her. So she buries it down, pulling away from Delilah and wiping the tears off of her face.

Suddenly it feels like there's a chasm between her and Delilah, but larger and deeper than the one she felt on the night they kissed. She knows now she cannot make the jump. They'd just have to stand on either side, shouting at each other to be heard. Together but apart. Those two words come back to her again. Easy, simple. She's starting to realize that maybe just because its easy and simple, doesn't mean that can't hurt. There was no perfect option. No answer where she wins everything. So she'd just have to make the choice that hurts the least.

"I should go," Skye says, walking back towards the door, knowing this time she'll actually leave, "Gran is making dinner tomorrow, if you want to come over. She'd like to see you." It's Skye's way of saying that she wants to see her again. That this isn't the end. Except she doesn't wait for an answer, and instead walks out the door, down the steps of the front porch, and crosses the cul de sac.

It isn't until Skye is halfway to her house that she realizes there's still something waiting for her. A thread. So, she pulls, and pulls, and gives in.

A cold stone floor. Hopelessness. Fear. Terror. Her arms wrapped around Caroline, whispering between sobs. "I won't leave you, I promise. I promise." and a response, weak and shaky, "You better not."

Tears are flowing fast now, and Skye desperately hopes nobody is around to see her. Any sadness that she had left Delilah's with has been magnified tenfold. She enters her house silently, walking carefully up the stairs to her room. When she falls onto her bed, suddenly, she finds that she no longer wants to be alone. She has pieces of a puzzle that she knows she cannot put together by herself. Except she doesn't want to burden anyone with this. She doesn't want them to feel the pain that she feels right now. So, she closes her eyes, and relives the memory again and again, searching for more answers, more memories. Except none come.